New Year's Resolutions for 2014

Every year, like most of the population, I thoughtfully and diligently string together a list of resolutions to carry out in the New Year; and every year, I carefully and diligently work on completing these resolutions – right up until around the time when my birthday rolls around. (This would’ve had the potential of being a lot more impressive if my birthday wasn’t within the first few days of January).

So this year I’m trying something a little different. In hopes of extending the amount of time before shamefully giving up on my goals, I’m going to make myself accountable by posting a list of my resolutions to my blog. Hopefully this works in keeping me more motivated – maybe I’ll even make it to the second week!

    1.   I am going to achieve and maintain a weight of 160lbs. Over the past year and a half I’ve lost just over 100lbs, but am still just a couple pounds short of my goal weight. By eating healthily and exercising regularly (at least 4x a week) I will not only reach, but also maintain the 160lb mark I set out to achieve.

    2.   I am going to deepen my relationship with God. By going to church regularly and attending spiritual classes (at least 3), my relationship with God will be stronger and more meaningful than ever before.

    3.   I am going to discover what I want out of life. As of right now I am not 100% sure on the direction I’d like my life to take – but by the end of this year I will be well on my journey. Whether it’s back in school or starting a career, I’ll be working very hard this year to get my life back on track.

    4.   I am going to keep a tidy living space. Sometimes I can be a tad messy or unorganized, but this year it’s my goal to keep everything looking spic and span.

    5.   I am going to be more confident in myself. Although this is a pretty broad goal, I will take steps in boosting my self-esteem and loving myself this year.

    6.   I am going to practise my clarinet at least once a week. Plain and simple – you can’t grow as a musician unless you play your instrument.

    7.   I am going to crochet an afghan. These goals are getting a little more random, but so what? It’s been a few years since I made a blanket, and this year I will complete another one.

    8.   I am going to get in good enough shape to be able to run for 45 minutes straight. For most of my life I have been an out of shape person – getting bad marks in PE and always finishing last on runs – so this goal is a pretty big deal for me. Right now I can keep to a pace of 6mph for just under 20 minutes, but I hope to more than double that time before the year is through.

    9.   I am going to post to my blog at least once every two weeks. Sometimes I get lazy or life just gets in the way, but writing is a passion of mine and this year I will keep it up more regularly.

So that is my list of New Year’s resolutions - it’s said that people who write down their goals are more likely to succeed, so here’s hoping! I have high expectations for 2014, and am greatly looking forward to working on these aspirations throughout the year. In a few days when my birthday comes along, I will be more than ready to whip out this list and use it to beat the urge to quit away from my motivation to achieve these resolutions!

WWSS - What Would Schnitzel Say?

So let’s face it, I have the cutest, smartest, most amazing hamster in the entire world. His name is Schnitzel, and he is my baby. I’ve had him for the past year and a half, and over this time I’ve wondered: If Schnitzel could talk, what would he say to me? He and I have spent a lot of time together, and by observing his mannerisms and getting to know his cute little personality, I think I have a bit of an idea.

1.       “No, my eyes are not crusty. Don’t you dare come near me with that washcloth, I’ll bite you! I don’t like getting my eyes cleaned, give me a minute and I’ll do it myself.” Since he’s getting older, Schnitzel has recently been having a problem with his eyes getting a little crusty. In the beginning I would take a washcloth and wipe his eyes, but he’d completely freak out; now he somehow has figured out how to clean out his own eyes so I’ll leave him alone.

2.       “Hmm, I see you’re giving the guinea pigs treats. I’ll just walk over to the front of my cage and make cute faces so you’ll give me some too. But I won’t actually eat the treats; I’ll stash them away in my cheeks and hide them later. And you know that I’m doing this too, but that won’t stop you from giving me more treats because I’m so gosh darn adorable. I bet I can get you to give me three treats before walking away. Hehehe.”

3.       “Wow, it sure is dark and quiet in here. Seems like the perfect time to run around on my squeaky wheel. Oh, you were trying to sleep? Well now that you’re up you can play with me and give me more treats!”

4.       “You just grabbed your car keys, where are you going? Petsmart? You haven’t been to Petsmart in awhile, I think you should go to Petsmart. Did I mention that I’m running a little low on yogurt treats? Good thing you’re headed to Petsmart, you can pick me up a bag.”

5.       “There are a lot of these weird, seedy things in my food dish. I don’t really like them, but I know that they won’t go away unless I eat them. You won’t throw them out if they’re in my food dish, will you? Well, it’d sure be a shame if the seeds spilled all over my cage – then you would have to get rid of them. I’ll just go over to my dish and bump into it as much as I can to, umm, mix the food around. Aw shucks, it just tipped over. Darn.”

6.       “You put all of this nice nesting material in my cage and expect me to pee on it? Ew, you’re gross. I’m just going to take all of this bedding and build a giant nest in the corner – I’ll go to the bathroom in that bare corner over there. What, it smells bad? Well suck it up buttercup, I’m not wasting my perfectly good bedding on that.”

7.       “Hey, so fun fact: I’m NOT dying! So quit tapping on my cage and making weird clicking sounds to check if I’m alive – I’m just sleeping. Hamsters are nocturnal; this is the middle of the night for me. Stop freaking out about me, I’m perfectly healthy and alive.”

8.       “Geez, if you’re going to pick me up you gotta warm up your hands first, you frosty fingered dummy! Now I have to crawl back into my nest to warm up my butt. I’m going to stay here and sulk until you buy back my affections with a couple cookie treats.”

9.       “So when you’re alone in your room, singing German folk songs at the top of your voice, you realize I can hear you right? And you realize that although my name is Schnitzel I have no interest at all in learning these German folk songs, right? And that hamsters have sensitive little ears, and your singing might just be a teensy bit off key. But you know what could muffle the sound a little bit? Me crunching on some yummy corn nut treats! Hint hint.”

10.   “When you let me run around on the ground, and my cage is 3 feet away from me with the door wide open, I’m going to want to go into my cage. There’s food in my cage – any counterargument you might have is invalid.” 

30 Things to Do When You're Bored at Walmart

We’ve all seen people doing some pretty nutty things on our Walmart excursions, but why should they have all the fun?  At Walmart it’s almost the norm to act crazy, and every weird thing you do is socially acceptable. So go ahead and try out some of my ideas the next time you go shopping, and if you think of any other activities that you believe should be on my list please let me know in the comment box below. Enjoy!

1. Walk into the produce section dressed in a banana suit, and start dancing around excitedly; throw bananas at anyone who looks at you like you’re crazy.

2. Organize the $5 DVD bin – alphabetically, in neat, even piles. After half an hour of painstaking sorting and stacking, allow your eye to twitch slightly as you watch a 300lb ‘movie buff on a budget’ tear up your beautiful masterpiece in a matter of seconds.

3. In the toy section, excessively push every button that says ‘try me’. Imitate the sounds.

4. Head over to the pet department, and take a good long look at the fish swimming around in the aquariums. If you spot a dead one, start sniffling and gently cry out, “Oh Nemo, why did you have to go so young? Your dad was coming for you Nemo, he was so close – so close!” Sob quietly.

5. Now, find an employee and casually ask if Nemo is half-price since he’s dead.

6. Take the liberty of testing out the toothbrushes, combs, and deodorants in the cosmetics department. Don’t buy anything.

7. Go into a changing room, shut the door, and after a few minutes yell urgently, “There`s no toilet paper in here!”

8. Check out the craft section, and complain bitterly about the rising price of yarn to any elderly woman who will listen. “Nine bucks for a pound of yarn? Everyday low prices my big crocheting tushie.”

9. Play I-spy: “I spy with my little eye, someone whose shorts are two sizes too tight.” That’s a solid 15 minutes of guessing there.

10. Ask an employee how much their walls cost, and don’t take “I’m sorry but our walls aren’t for sale” for an answer. Be persistent, and also don’t take “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the store now” for an answer either - they don’t really mean it.

11. Randomly direct people to the mouthwash and breath mint aisles.

12. Walk around the store with an elephant puppet, and when you come across a Nutella display exclaim loudly, “Mr. Elephant doesn’t like hazelnut, Mr. Elephant wants peanut butter. Peeeaaaanuuuuuuut Buuuuutttttttterrrrrrrrrr!” Proceed to throw a temper tantrum.

13. If a few people are walking side-by-side in front of you, run between them shouting “Red rover, red rover, I call [your name] over!”

14. When a message comes over the loudspeakers, scream “Make the voices stop!” and lay down in the fetal position.

15. Dress up as Chicken Little, and skip around the store singing “The prices are falling! The prices are falling!”

16. Walk up to customer service, remove your pants, and tell the employee you’d like to exchange them for a smaller pair. If they refuse, act offended and cry out, “It’s because I’m fat, isn’t it?” Then angrily storm off, never stopping to put your pants back on.

17. Loudly complain every time you see an empty McDonald’s cup littered on a shelf, and rant for a few minutes about how lazy and disgusting people are.

18. Locate the pet food aisle and sample the hamster treats. Fully absorb the taste and react accordingly.

19. Go up to a random person and start talking to them as if you used to know them really well. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

20. Dressed in your finest lederhosen, head over to the deli and use your best German accent to ask an employee where they keep the wiener schnitzel and sauerbraten. If they tell you that the store doesn’t carry those products, keep the stereotype going and pull out your handy-dandy accordion (that all German people carry with them wherever they go) and play the polka in protest.

21. After making some careful and well thought out selections in the arts and crafts aisle, create your own line of greeting cards.

22. Verbally abuse the patio furniture.

23. Make yourself a salad! Grab a bowl from the kitchen department and fill it up with lettuce and your favourite veggies. When you’re finished, take it up to the cashier and see how much they’ll charge you for it – don’t forget to tell them you added extra cheese!

24. Stand at the entrance and warmly greet everyone who comes into the store. Tell them they can call you captain.

25. Strategically hide garden gnomes around the store, just for the heck of it – it could really freak some people out. ;)

26. With a straight face, walk up to a stranger and ask (don’t sing) very seriously, “Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?”

27. Serenade your fellow shoppers with some beautiful clarinet music – Squidward-style!

28. Play a good old-fashioned game of hide-and-seek. Not challenging enough for you? Invite your imaginary friends to join in on the fun!

29. Try to use chocolate Easter bunnies as currency.

30. While browsing the meat department, notice the ham and cry out sadly, “Piglet, is that you?” Pick it up, and as you begin to gently cradle it in your arms whisper, “I’m so sorry buddy. For all these years people have been making fun of you for being scared, but it turns out you had a good reason to be afraid.” Curse Christopher Robin for allowing this tragedy to happen.

The Ten Commandments of Weight Loss

Growing up as a heavier-than-average kid, I never once imagined that one day I’d be writing an article on weight loss – in fact, I would’ve laughed right in your face (in between bites of perogies) if you even mentioned the idea to me. I was by no means a “fit” person – PE teachers shuddered when I walked into their gym class, and I rejoiced at the C+’s I received. Stairs were my arch-nemesis, a brisk walk left me exhausted and out of breath, and the only time I ever ran was when I ran out of fettuccine alfredo at the end of a satisfying meal. I once had to be emergency rescued from a zip-line because I was too heavy and lacked the strength to hoist myself off of it. That was my fitness level (if you could even call it that), so it was no surprise that my weight had made its way up to a hefty 270lbs.

Finally I decided that enough was enough, and during the last year I have been on a mission to lose 100lbs. I did lose a good chunk of weight a few years back, but when I went to university the dreaded freshman 15 (or in my case, freshman 50) placed its evil curse upon me, and before I knew it I was back up to a good 260lbs. So this time around I made an effort to lose weight differently, and over the past year I have lost a total of 89lbs – just 11 short of my goal weight. Below I put together a list of the “Ten Commandments” of weight loss that I found particularly helpful throughout my journey, and I will continue to follow them as I strive to lose my last eleven pounds!

1. Thou shalt have no other snacks after supper. In the evening I typically don’t find myself craving carrot sticks and rice cakes. I want good, wholesome, artery-clogging treats - German chocolate cake, tiger ice-cream, and those new Lay’s perogie potato chips that my parents just got me addicted to. When you snack in the evening you are more likely to choose higher calorie options; you’re also likely to eat more while mindlessly shoving handfuls of chips into your mouth in front of the television. To solve this conundrum easily I set up a rule for myself – after dessert, no more snacking for the rest of the evening.

2. Thou shalt not leave thy sheep penned up and unnumbered. Get 40 winks, catch some z’s, hit the sack. Whatever you want to call it, getting a sufficient amount of sleep is crucial to your weight-loss mission. I have found that when you don’t sleep enough, 2 things will happen. First of all, your energy for the day will be greatly decreased; you’ll be much more likely to pick up take-out food rather than cooking, and skip the gym. And secondly, when you cut back on sleep your metabolism will stop working properly. To start dropping pounds, the first thing I do is slip into my pj’s and get a good night’s sleep.

3. Thou shalt not take the name on the label in vain. At the very beginning of my weight-loss journey, I made a few simple (yet very effective) changes to my diet – mostly keeping my eyes open for low-fat options. I switched to low-fat cream cheese, low-fat mayo, low-fat cheeses, low-fat everything (except low-fat sour cream, you couldn’t pay me to touch that stuff)! Another switch that I made, that I know some people won’t agree with, is going sugar-free. A lot of products out there have options made with Splenda: pop, candy, yogurt, cookies…and no sugar means fewer calories. Finally, one more change I made was replacing all my white breads, buns and wraps with whole wheat versions. All of these changes have been very simple with minimal taste differences, yet have helped me to lose quite a bit of weight.

4. Remember thy accomplishments, to reward thyself appropriately. When I was working on losing weight I made little goals for myself to make the process more rewarding. When I hit my first weight goal I got new glasses. For my second one I got my nose pierced, for my third one I got a new haircut. It kept me motivated to keep working towards my goal, and also allowed me to change up my look. Create goals for yourself, and don’t forget to reward yourself along the way!

5. Honour thy weights and thy dumbbells. When trying to lose weight, a lot of people tend to neglect weight training and focus mainly on cardio. And while it’s true that you will burn a lot of calories working it on the elliptical machine, lifting weights has its benefits too. The more muscle mass you build, the more calories you will burn during the day, even when your body is at rest. Plus you’ll get that sexy, toned look that pedaling on your bike just won’t give you – I was surprised at the difference I saw in my arms after lifting weights for a few months!

6. Thou shalt not kill time with Venti Vanilla Bean Frappuccinos. When you add up all the sugar and syrup and cream in a fancy drink like this, it equals mega calories. Before I started being health conscious, I would mindlessly drink smoothies and Frappuccinos without even thinking about how many calories I was consuming. But after a little research I found out that the venti Vanilla Bean Frappuccino (my Starbucks regular) contained almost as many calories as a Big Mac! So I drastically cut down, and during my year of weight loss I have only indulged in these magical drinks one time (what, everyone’s entitled to a cheat day). This has saved me countless calories, and I probably shed a couple pounds simply by ending my Frappuccino addiction.

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery – thou shalt not cheat on thy treadmill with thy couch. When trying to lose weight, it is important to exercise frequently and it is important to exercise regularly. Even if you only have time for a quick workout, five 20-minute runs a week are a lot more effective than one 100-minute run. To keep me motivated in this area, I invested a few dollars in a couple handy-dandy apps for my iPod. The first app, Tap Tap Revenge, I used a lot when on my stationary bike. I realized early on in the year that I could go a lot longer on the bike when I had some sort of distraction – as long as my mind didn’t realize how much I was pedaling, I was able to go a lot farther. Tap Tap Revenge was the perfect app for this; the upbeat music kept my pace up, and tapping out the rhythms was a great distraction. And Couch to 5K (the second app I downloaded) is designed to make you be able to run for 5 kilometers after 9 weeks of training. The voice on the app instructs you to run, then walk, then run – with the running intervals gradually getting longer and the walking intervals gradually getting shorter. There are many other workout apps out there, but these ones were especially useful for me.

8. Thou shalt not dehydrate thyself. Now I will admit, drinking 8 glasses of water a day is difficult - but it is also an excellent way to boost your metabolism and lose weight. To help me keep track of the water I drank each day I downloaded an app called Waterlogged onto my iPod. Recording each glass of water onto the app helped to keep me motivated to reach my water drinking goal, and reaching this water goal every day has put me well on my way to reaching my final weight goal.

9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy scale. Over the year I made it a point to weigh myself each week to track my weight-loss. Seeing the numbers slowly decreasing over the weeks was very motivating for me, and it kept me wanting to work out and eat healthy to continue to see my weight drop.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s chicken nuggets. I’m pretty sure we’ve all done this – your friend has a bag of chips or an order of fries, and you can’t help but snag a couple (or more than a couple). I have always been guilty of playing the mooching game, but what I didn’t realize was how quickly all these calories can add up. A bite of my dad’s sandwich here and a handful of skittles there can pack on the pounds over time – especially since I don’t really realize how many calories I’m consuming when it’s someone else’s food. As hard as it is, I’ve learned that it’s best to keep my hands to my own plate (although I do sometimes stray from that rule)!

So these are the most beneficial weight-loss tips that I have discovered over the past year. If you have any other “commandments” that you believe should’ve been on my list, please leave them in the comment box below. I want to hear which weight-loss tricks have worked for you; just don’t suggest I stop eating perogies because, you know, not gonna happen!

Before (last September) and After (3 weeks ago).

How to Write a Blog Article

Title: Descriptive and/or witty line that summarizes your article

Welcome to the introduction, the part of the article where you (hereby referred to as “the blogger”), will give some beautifully worded background information to your audience (hereby referred to as “the readers”). This article will be written in a list format of some sort, and the blogger will indicate this early on in her introduction. She quickly befriends her handy thesaurus in this section of writing, weaving her commodious words in such a way as to exude a profound sound to her dissertation. She’ll jot down a few insights and make a reference to her personal life. Then at this point she, like 56% of bloggers, will begin to run out of things to say, and toss in a statistic (real or fictional) to make her introduction feel more “complete”. Without further ado, the blogger will now choose a nice transitional phrase to conclude this first paragraph, and move on to the bulk of her article.

1. This is the first point that the blogger will make on her list. It is an important one, because it must be interesting enough to capture the attention of the readers, yet not so interesting as to set the bar too high for her following points. Once a happy medium is established and she is satisfied with her wording, the blogger will move on to her second point.

2. A personal insight is incorporated here, giving the readers an idea of the blogger’s opinions on the topic which she is writing about. Often an inside joke is added to this point, and the majority of readers will have a hard time understanding it. On a side note, don’t you love the feeling of a nice, light mist in your face?

3. A short point is placed here for variation.

4. Eventually, the blogger will get frustrated with her writing, somewhere around this point. She will get bored, lose inspiration, and engage in a number of activities (cleaning her room, browsing the internet, training her hamster to do the cha-cha…) in order to escape her pressing writer’s block. An hour later when she finally returns to her blog, this is the first point that the blogger will write. It will be of a slightly lower quality than her other points, and often will later be deleted.

5. This point is written second, but is placed strategically near the middle of the list. It is common for the blogger to write out of order, as it allows her some time to think of material for her earlier points. In fact, almost everything in the article is written out of order, and the blogger arranges her points in the way she sees fit upon completion of her writing.

6. Running out of ideas, the blogger will now turn to others for inspiration. She will ask her dad or sister for input, and their ideas will be listed here.

7. The blogger will begin to reference other points in her article here, in an attempt to make her list feel smooth and connected. It is essential for her material to be tied together in some fashion, and in order to do this she will let you know that her mission to teach her hamster the cha-cha was aborted – after 2 nearly-successful attempts at the dance he lost interest, ran around in his wheel twice, and then scurried over to his nest and fell asleep.

8. At this point the blogger starts to question what she’s doing with her life. What’s the point of this article? Who is she really helping? Maybe she should’ve listened to her gut feeling in high school and become a cheerleader instead (see the second sentence in point number 2).

9. The blogger starts to doubt her entire article at this point. She hates everything she has written, and spirals into a bout of frustration. She will scream, throw her laptop across the room, and subsequently awake her napping hamster (who still refuses to dance). But then after a brief period of crying and cursing the art of writing she will re-read her article, realize it isn’t as bad as she had initially thought, and move on to her last point.

10. This is the final point, and the blogger is usually unsure of what to write here. She has been working on this article for such a long time, and will typically just scribble out the first thing that enters her mind so she can just finish the darn thing already!

This brings us to the conclusion which is short and sweet, and the blogger will use this space to summarize her article and repeat most of what she previously stated in the introduction. She’ll make a humorous remark, add a personal sentiment, and then run out of things to say. Finally she will end her conclusion with a question relating to the content of her article, prompting the readers to leave their own input in the comment box below.

The cha-cha has proven to be too advanced for my hamster, so tell me - what is an appropriate dance that you have been able to successfully teach to your hamster?

This hamster is clearly not dancing the cha-cha.

How to Survive an Encounter with Me

If you ever find yourself rummaging through the latest arrivals in Kelowna’s plus-sized clothing stores, or battling older women over discounted yarn at Walmart, there is a good chance that you will - if you already haven’t - eventually encounter me. Luckily, this generally isn’t a frightening experience, as I am a mostly calm and quiet person (unless, of course, you’re holding an Illichmann’s seven-layer Halva bar, in which case I have been known to spontaneously attack). While occurrences such as these are rare, however, it may be wise to take a few precautions to ensure that your encounter with me will end in a painless escape.

When you first notice me walking towards you (or more realistically, stumbling towards you), two options will clearly emerge: a) risk an immediate escape or b) attempt to distract me before secretly running away. The first choice is definitely more effective, as any pace over a brisk walk will almost immediately leave me out of breath, allowing you to quickly disappear from my sight. However, if you, too, are not an athlete, employing a simple distraction may work just as easily. Simply guide me to an area of interest (a used clarinet boutique, the German children’s section at the library, various all-you-can-eat perogie houses) and I should be preoccupied enough for you to make a quick and easy escape.

However, on certain occasions it is very possible for a tactic like this to fail. Perhaps you grab me too hard while leading me towards my perogies, triggering painful flashbacks of my little sister poking at pockets of flab on the undersides of my arms. Should these hurtful and terrifying memories come flooding back to me, I would undoubtedly cling to you - crying and begging for comfort - all while subsequently abolishing your window of escape. At this point, physically removing me becomes your last resort.

It is difficult to say which methods will work in chasing me away from our encounter, but there are a number of tactics that should never be attempted. For instance, running after me will only make me sweaty and aggravated, and having a PE teacher yell at me to move quicker will cause me to instinctively stop in my tracks, and quit moving altogether. The most important thing to remember when chasing me away, however, is to never, under any circumstance, wink, whistle, or water-ski. Since I have never been able to master these activities, even attempting one will harbor from within me a deep, competitive rage that has remained buried for the past several years. After uncovering this emotion, there is no hope for me to regain my composure, thus creating one final option for you: run!

Now truthfully, running is not completely necessary in escaping me (especially if it involves more than two flights of stairs), but it is incredibly important that you know where to run to. Any various salad bars, spider sanctuaries or circuses across the city are ideal safe havens, as I would never be found anywhere near these places. If these establishments aren’t available, try any Vancouver Canucks fan clubs, bee farms, or One Direction CD packaging plants. And if you really want to ensure that you will never again come face-to-face with me, the safest place you can possibly hide is at a zip-lining place just outside of Revelstoke, where an emergency rescue when I was just a little heavier has resulted in my permanent ban from the premises.

So essentially, when everything boils down, only when you become a zip-line instructor will you truly learn the secret of how to survive an encounter with me.

What is Happiness?

Today, it seems like a lot of people have forgotten what happiness is. We go through life working as hard as we can, trying desperately to improve upon everything – there’s always something that can be better, and nothing is ever good enough. Now because of this, it looks like happiness has been given a permanent seat on the backburner. So what is happiness? Here, let me remind you:

Happiness is hearing your hamster running around in his wheel at 2:00am, and knowing he is happy and healthy.

Happiness is opening up the fridge and seeing that your mom made angel food cake.

Happiness is running faster than you ever have before at the gym.

Happiness is hearing that, after 12 years of waiting, there will finally be a sequel to Finding Nemo!

Happiness is when you check the clock at work, and realize you only have 20 more minutes left.

Happiness is stepping on the scale and seeing that you’ve lost 2 pounds.

Happiness is thrift shopping at Value Village, and finding the most amazing purse that you have ever seen in your entire life.

Happiness is hearing your pet bird chirping in the morning.

Happiness is seeing that they’ve started showing Boy Meets World on TV again.

Happiness is when the person ahead of you in the drive thru line pays for your coffee.

Happiness is returning the favour, and paying for the person behind you.

Happiness is going on early-morning walks with your dad and sister.

Happiness is waking up in the morning and seeing that more people have looked at your blog.

Happiness is when you can make your family and friends smile.

Happiness is coming home from work and opening the door to the smell of perogies.

Happiness is realizing that you are a completely different person from who you were last year.

Happiness is elephants.

Happiness is getting your nose pierced.

Happiness is having the day off work, and doing absolutely nothing all day long.

Happiness is that brief 2 week period at the beginning of summer when the lilacs are blooming and the air smells sweet.

Happiness is getting into your hot car and then turning on the air conditioning.

Happiness is when your grandma remembers your birthday…or your sister’s birthday…or your dad’s birthday…

Happiness is frozen yogurt.

Happiness is finding a $20 Dairy Queen gift card in your wallet that you forgot you had.

Happiness is getting to sing your favourite song at church.

Happiness is spending time with a friend that you hadn’t seen in awhile.

Happiness is seeing the excited look in your guinea pigs’ eyes when you give them treats.

Happiness is learning new words in a different language.

Happiness is eating fettuccine alfredo at your favourite Italian restaurant.

Happiness is when there’s 2 empty elliptical machines side-by-side at the gym, and you can exercise next to your sister.

Happiness is playing mini-golf, and getting a hole-in-one.

Happiness is when your favourite team wins the Stanley Cup Playoffs (Go Hawks)!

Happiness is donating blood.

Happiness is when the shirt you fell in love with at the store is sold out in every size – except yours.

Happiness is knowing that your Oma and Opa are watching over you from heaven, and that one day you’ll see them again.

Happiness is going out to eat and hearing that the soup of the day is cream of potato.

Happiness is when you set your iPod to shuffle and your favourite song starts playing.

Happiness is sitting in the car when it’s raining and listening as the raindrops hit the roof.

Happiness is singing along to the Big Bang Theory theme song, and not messing up a single word.

Happiness is trading in your size 12 pants for some 10s at work, and remembering that this time last year you were a size 20.

Happiness is putting on a pair of jeans, warm and straight out of the dryer.

Happiness is finally breaking in a new clarinet reed and getting that smooth, great sound.

Happiness is learning how to play a Josh Groban song on the guitar.

Happiness is taking funny and adorable pictures of your pets.

This is what happiness is for me; it’s the little, everyday things that so often I take for granted. It’s the things that make me smile, the things that make me proud of myself, the things that remind me that life is amazing. Happiness comes in all shapes and sizes, and doesn’t have to be an enormous event – sometimes it’s the smallest things that mean the most.

So tell me, what does happiness mean to you?

Top Ten Reasons Why I Have the Best Dad in the World

Are you a big fan of sour cream? Do you like topping your baked potatoes, perogies, and beef stew with this rich, savoury goodness? I know I do, and that makes today a very important one for me – a day very close to my heart. You see (and I say this with the utmost sadness), today my beautiful and delicious container of heaven reaches its best-by date; today my sour cream expires. Let’s have a moment of silence and remember.

Coincidentally, that’s not the only thing that happens today. Today is actually a very important day, and I’m proud to say that it’s my dad’s birthday! Because of this, I decided to dedicate this article to him, and brag to all of you guys about just how awesome my daddy is. So here is my list of the top ten reasons (I could’ve easily gone to 50) why I have the best dad in the entire world!

1. He is absolutely the smartest person I know. He graduated high school at the top of his class, graduated college at the top of his class, and knows every single fact about everything, I swear. His intelligence has always been very inspiring to me, and caused me to reach my full potential when I was in school.

2. He is the funniest person I know. My dad is constantly making jokes about everything, and he can always make me laugh. We have so many inside jokes, and he knows how to crack me up with only a couple words – Hat das Kalb keine Mutti?

3. He always has time for me. Growing up, I was very lucky to have my dad around – all the time. And now that I’m older, nothing has changed. If I want him to play with my hamster with me, if I want to go for a drive with him, if I want to watch tv with him, he always has time for me.

4. He speaks German with me. I’ve always had an interest in this language, and my dad has done so much to help me learn it. From making jokes to reading stories (hey dad, remember Bobo Siebenschläfer?) to just making general conversation, my German is where it is because of my dad.

5. He boosts my self-confidence. Let’s face it, I have never been a “skinny, beautiful” person. But for some reason, my dad thinks I am. Even back when I was 270lbs, my dad never once told me I was fat (and he’s probably the only person too). He said, “You’re smaller than me, you’re skinny.” And even though that made me chuckle and obviously wasn’t completely true, it made me feel better about myself.

6. He supports me. Whatever I decide to do in life, I always know that my dad is behind me 100%. When I decided to play the clarinet he supported me, and complimented me through all the squeaks and wrong notes. He tells me I am an awesome writer, and reads every single one of my blog posts. When I decided to take some time off of school, he backed me up. My dad is always there for me, and it means a lot.

7. He gives really good hugs. Whether I’m feeling happy or sad, or whether I need one or not, my dad’s hugs always make me feel better. Always.

8. He has excellent tastes in music. My dad listens to tunes from all the greatest artists – Petula Clark, The Seekers, Dana Winner, Nena, The Turtles, Herman’s Hermits – and the list goes on. Our identical music preference is just one of the many things that my dad and I have in common.

9. He is an awesome cook. My dad makes me breakfast every morning, and can also cook the most delicious Kliesel, scrambled eggs, breakfast sandwiches, and fried rice. Is there any wonder why I'm not skinny?

10. He makes me feel loved. This goes back to when I was little, and my younger sister was born. She was getting a lot of attention, especially from my mom, and I was feeling a little left out. But my dad told me, “Brianna is mommy’s baby, and you are my baby,” and that made everything better. Every single day of my life, there has never been a question in my mind whether or not my dad loves me.

The list goes on and on, and like I said before, I could easily go past 10. My dad is the most awesome person I know, and he’s more than just my dad – he’s one of my best friends. I know there will be parts of this article that you won’t understand (I incorporated a lot of inside jokes), but I think I got my point across: I have the coolest, best dad in the entire world. That being said, I will close in the classiest way I can think of – Der Wind bläst von hinten!

20 Beautifully Simple Life Hacks

Life is hard. And first world problems are hard. But fortunately they don’t have to be, thanks to the internet. After my sister showed me a neat trick on how to stop the hiccups, I started to wonder what other simple solutions were out there for my most pressing first world problems. So I sat down and spent a couple hours surfing the web, and have scoped out la crème de la crème of life hacks. Most of the items on my list are not my original ideas, just an assortment of the gems I found floating around in cyberspace.

Get ready for your life to become a whole lot easier!

1. When you accidentally grab something that is too hot, immediately touch your earlobes. You will feel the heat transfer from your finger tips to your earlobes, and it will keep you from getting burnt.

Why does this work? Earlobes are mostly adipose tissue, aka fat. And since fat has a low density, it allows for it to absorb heat faster.

2. Put newspaper at the bottom of your kitchen garbage bin to absorb food juices. It not only prevents your garbage from leaking, but also keeps it smelling fresher.

3. Ouch, just gave yourself a paper cut?  No problem! Heal the cut immediately and stop the pain by rubbing Chapstick on it.

4. Just finished a delicious plate of garlic alfredo at your favourite Italian restaurant, and now your breath isn’t smelling too fresh? The parsley on your plate isn’t just a pretty little decoration, it neutralizes garlic breath.

5. Not sure if your batteries are still good? Drop them onto a table from a height of about 6 inches. If they bounce once and then fall over they still have juice, but if they bounce more than once they’re empty.

6. Sometimes price stickers are annoyingly difficult to remove. But if you heat them with a hair dryer for a minute or two they’ll peel right off.

7. Crack an egg onto a plate. Squeeze an empty water bottle, and then hold it to the egg yolk. Slowly release the pressure on the bottle. This is the simplest way to separate yolks from eggs.

8. If you have a bad case of the hiccups, follow these simple instructions: 1. Inhale as far as you can. 2. Swallow twice. 3. Exhale slowly. Your hiccups are now non-existent.

9. Place a wooden spoon over a pot of boiling water to keep it from bubbling over.

10. Tired of your charging cords bending a breaking? Put a spring from an old pen around the base of the cord.

11. Add a teaspoon of baking soda to the pot when boiling eggs. The shells will peel off effortlessly.

12. When heating up leftovers, leave an empty space in the middle of your plate. This will cause the food to heat up more evenly.

13. Scared of hitting your thumb while hammering a nail? Rather than holding the nail with your fingers, use a clothespin. Problem solved!

14. Paint clear nail polish onto the inside of your rings to keep them from turning your fingers green.

15. Use dryer sheets to remove deodorant stains from your clothing! Rub the dryer sheet in a circular motion over the stain, and it will absorb the deodorant. Just make sure there isn’t any lint on the dryer sheet, or it’ll leave grey marks.

16. Use ice cubes to remove gum from your hair. It will cause the gum to harden, making it easier to remove.

17. Press your tongue to the roof of your mouth to instantly cure brain freeze. This also works in making the urge to sneeze go away.

18. If you have persistent acne, sleep with a freshly washed towel over your pillowcase. It will cure or drastically reduce your acne.

19. Car headlights getting a little hazy? Use toothpaste to clean them, they’ll look brand new!

20. Don’t you hate it when you get out of the bath or shower and your mirror is all fogged up? Instead of wiping it off with a towel and leaving smudges and streaks, use your hair dryer and give it a quick blast. Your mirror will be clear in seconds.

So those were the top 20 life hacks that I came up with – hopefully they will make your life just a little easier. If you have any ideas of your own, or I missed something that you believe should be on the list, please tell me in the comment box below. Let’s work together to find a cure for all of our first world problems!

50 Things to Blog about When Suffering from Severe Writer’s Block

Oh writer’s block, the arch nemesis of bloggers everywhere. Excitedly we turn on our computers, open our word documents, and then BAM! Nothing. Our minds go blank. We write and rewrite sentence upon sentence, building up an intense frustration as our fingers make close friendships with the backspace key. Each writing attempt becomes more pathetic than the last, and we eventually turn off our computers in disappointment and defeat.

But we can fight this! Below I have put together a list of 50 writing prompts – ammunition with which we can protect ourselves from the dark side. Feel free to use these ideas as your own, and if you think of any others please help your fellow bloggers out by leaving them in the comment box.

Together - as one unit - we form a shield. A shield strong enough, powerful enough, and with enough writing talent (that’s right, this shield can write), to survive any obstacle. We will join together and work as one to not only defend against, but also ABOLISH, the evil force that is writer’s block.

So let's get started!

1. 10 reasons why my pet is better than yours

2. 5 people I would like to be friends with

3. You know you’re a band nerd if…

4. 17 things to do when you’re feeling blue

5. Eggs: Are they all they’re cracked up to be?

6. 10 things I hate about the human race

7. My favourite stuffed toy is…

8. 6 Reasons why rabbits make amazing pets

9. My top 5 favourite places in my city are…

10. Everyone is beautiful: A discussion on the pressure to be “perfect”

11. 4 stories we know and love – before the Disney alterations

12. 9 things to do when you’re dying after an intense workout

13. 10 things I wish I could’ve told myself 5 years ago

14. 15 jokes for nerds

15. 4 guilty pleasures I couldn’t live without

16. My top 3 most embarrassing moments

17. 15 things to do when suffering from writer’s block

18. Someone who inspires me is…

19. The 10 commandments of weight loss

20. 6 things not to do when visiting your grandma

21. How to write a blog article

22. 8 reasons why you shouldn’t piss me off

23. Everything you could ever want to know about elephants

24. 13 of the all-time most entertaining German words

25. 5 reasons why the morning is the best time of the day

26. You know you’re Canadian if…

27. 10 places I want to see before I die

28. 12 things I learned over the last year

29. 5 books on my shelf that I will never get rid off

30. How to survive an encounter with me

31. An inspirational quote that has really impacted me is…

32. 20 names perfectly suited for a guinea pig

33. I am obsessed with: Josh Groban!

34. 10 ways I motivate myself when I’m feeling down

35. Oldies vs. Rap: A biased review

36. Duct tape: the ultimate necessity

37. 12 things that annoy me more than they probably should

38. 8 things I would do today if I knew I would die tomorrow

39. Let’s talk about: Charles Dickens!

40. 10 things my pet would probably say to me if he could talk

41. An open letter to someone I wish I could talk to

42. A mental illness that I would like to know more about is…

43. 18 embarrassingly pathetic first world problems

44. How to cure the hiccups, and 9 other helpful life solutions

45. Does an apple a day really keep the doctor away?

46. Yolo!...Why does this phrase make me want to hurt small animals?

47. 12 things to do at Wal-Mart

48. Something going on in the world that I feel strongly about is…

49. 10 reasons why I’m looking forward to Christmas

50. 10 ways to pass the time using only a roll of toilet paper, a dishcloth….and kitty stickers