Tuesday, 30 July 2013

How to Write a Blog Article

Title: Descriptive and/or witty line that summarizes your article

Welcome to the introduction, the part of the article where you (hereby referred to as “the blogger”), will give some beautifully worded background information to your audience (hereby referred to as “the readers”). This article will be written in a list format of some sort, and the blogger will indicate this early on in her introduction. She quickly befriends her handy thesaurus in this section of writing, weaving her commodious words in such a way as to exude a profound sound to her dissertation. She’ll jot down a few insights and make a reference to her personal life. Then at this point she, like 56% of bloggers, will begin to run out of things to say, and toss in a statistic (real or fictional) to make her introduction feel more “complete”. Without further ado, the blogger will now choose a nice transitional phrase to conclude this first paragraph, and move on to the bulk of her article.

1. This is the first point that the blogger will make on her list. It is an important one, because it must be interesting enough to capture the attention of the readers, yet not so interesting as to set the bar too high for her following points. Once a happy medium is established and she is satisfied with her wording, the blogger will move on to her second point.

2. A personal insight is incorporated here, giving the readers an idea of the blogger’s opinions on the topic which she is writing about. Often an inside joke is added to this point, and the majority of readers will have a hard time understanding it. On a side note, don’t you love the feeling of a nice, light mist in your face?

3. A short point is placed here for variation.

4. Eventually, the blogger will get frustrated with her writing, somewhere around this point. She will get bored, lose inspiration, and engage in a number of activities (cleaning her room, browsing the internet, training her hamster to do the cha-cha…) in order to escape her pressing writer’s block. An hour later when she finally returns to her blog, this is the first point that the blogger will write. It will be of a slightly lower quality than her other points, and often will later be deleted.

5. This point is written second, but is placed strategically near the middle of the list. It is common for the blogger to write out of order, as it allows her some time to think of material for her earlier points. In fact, almost everything in the article is written out of order, and the blogger arranges her points in the way she sees fit upon completion of her writing.

6. Running out of ideas, the blogger will now turn to others for inspiration. She will ask her dad or sister for input, and their ideas will be listed here.

7. The blogger will begin to reference other points in her article here, in an attempt to make her list feel smooth and connected. It is essential for her material to be tied together in some fashion, and in order to do this she will let you know that her mission to teach her hamster the cha-cha was aborted – after 2 nearly-successful attempts at the dance he lost interest, ran around in his wheel twice, and then scurried over to his nest and fell asleep.

8. At this point the blogger starts to question what she’s doing with her life. What’s the point of this article? Who is she really helping? Maybe she should’ve listened to her gut feeling in high school and become a cheerleader instead (see the second sentence in point number 2).

9. The blogger starts to doubt her entire article at this point. She hates everything she has written, and spirals into a bout of frustration. She will scream, throw her laptop across the room, and subsequently awake her napping hamster (who still refuses to dance). But then after a brief period of crying and cursing the art of writing she will re-read her article, realize it isn’t as bad as she had initially thought, and move on to her last point.

10. This is the final point, and the blogger is usually unsure of what to write here. She has been working on this article for such a long time, and will typically just scribble out the first thing that enters her mind so she can just finish the darn thing already!

This brings us to the conclusion which is short and sweet, and the blogger will use this space to summarize her article and repeat most of what she previously stated in the introduction. She’ll make a humorous remark, add a personal sentiment, and then run out of things to say. Finally she will end her conclusion with a question relating to the content of her article, prompting the readers to leave their own input in the comment box below.

The cha-cha has proven to be too advanced for my hamster, so tell me - what is an appropriate dance that you have been able to successfully teach to your hamster?

This hamster is clearly not dancing the cha-cha.


  1. This article's good!
    Well, my cat can do the gangnam style :)

  2. Schnitzel!!!!!!!!!

  3. sadly i don't have any pets but if
    i would probably teach them to
    dance the macarena!!:p