Monday, 21 April 2014

Meet Mathusela

A couple years ago I was shopping at Value Village and found a graphing calculator they were selling for $3. But I already had a graphing calculator (and obviously couldn't pass up a deal like this), so I decided to buy it and try to sell it on Craigslist. This is the ad I wrote - I got dozens of replies and ended up making $60!


Mathusela is special. And you’re probably wondering, how special is he? WELL, Mathusela may just be the most special calculator you will ever have a chance of meeting. Because he’s not just a calculator. And he’s not just a Texas Instruments calculator. Mathusela , you see, is a TI-83 Texas Instruments GRAPHING Calculator. But as you’re about to find out, he’s so much more than that.

When Mathusela was just a wee Calcukid (calculator jargon for a baby calculator), he sat eagerly on the shelf at Staples dreaming of the mathematical genius that would pluck him from the others, and take him away to a magical laboratory full of trigonometry and functions, calculus and algebra, and other delights that all young calculators fancy. He knew he was destined for greatness (mom and dad always said, after all, that he was their little prodigy), and he couldn’t wait until the magic moment when his batteries would be inserted and he could bask in his greatness.

But as young Mathusela was about to find out, not all dreams come true. He shuddered in in utter repulsion as a 10th grade arty (the term used by the calculators to mean “one who sucks at math”) paused in front of his place on the shelf. “Please don’t pick me please don’t pick me,” were the only words running through his mathematical little mind – but alas, young Mathusela was known for his graphing intelligence and not for his good luck, and the cold hand of terror (and poor math skills) plunked him into its shopping basket. Mathusela knew at that moment that his life was over.

Of course, he made an effort to show off his intelligence in the mathematical field. He drew graphs and spit out answers, but it was to no prevail. His owner simply didn’t love him enough, and refused to help him succeed. She only cared about her writing class, and novels and pens, and thesaurus and notebook. They were here true love, and Mathusela knew it. He couldn’t compete with them, so he gave up hope in his dream for mathematical excellence. Other calculators, with smart, loving owners made fun of him; they beat him up, and stole his battery power and slide-on cover. Mathusela had hit rock bottom.

But it’s not too late to save him! Mathusela has the will to learn, the knowledge to grow, and the potential to succeed. He is an extra-ordinary, mathematically-gifted, graphing GENIUS who, with a little love, will be your supportive sidekick, your calculating comrade, and the Robin to your algebraic Batman in your QUEST for mathematical excellence. He’s a hard worker, and will never let you down.

Do you have the desire to save Mathusela from the dark clutches of poor math skills? Only YOU can save him! Make me an offer, and you will receive not only the most special calculator on the face of the earth, but also a new life-long, grateful, computing friend.

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