Title: Descriptive and/or witty line that summarizes your
article
Welcome to the introduction, the part of the article where
you (hereby referred to as “the blogger”), will give some beautifully worded
background information to your audience (hereby referred to as “the readers”).
This article will be written in a list format of some sort, and the blogger will
indicate this early on in her introduction. She quickly befriends her handy
thesaurus in this section of writing, weaving her commodious words in such a
way as to exude a profound sound to her dissertation. She’ll jot down a few
insights and make a reference to her personal life. Then at this point she, like
56% of bloggers, will begin to run out of things to say, and toss in a statistic
(real or fictional) to make her introduction feel more “complete”. Without
further ado, the blogger will now choose a nice transitional phrase to conclude
this first paragraph, and move on to the bulk of her article.
1. This is the first point that the blogger will make on her
list. It is an important one, because it must be interesting enough to capture
the attention of the readers, yet not so interesting as to set the bar too high
for her following points. Once a happy medium is established and she is
satisfied with her wording, the blogger will move on to her second point.
2. A personal insight is incorporated here, giving the
readers an idea of the blogger’s opinions on the topic which she is writing
about. Often an inside joke is added to this point, and the majority of readers
will have a hard time understanding it. On a side note, don’t you love the
feeling of a nice, light mist in your face?
3. A short point is placed here for variation.
4. Eventually, the blogger will get frustrated with her
writing, somewhere around this point. She will get bored, lose inspiration, and
engage in a number of activities (cleaning her room, browsing the internet,
training her hamster to do the cha-cha…) in order to escape her pressing writer’s
block. An hour later when she finally returns to her blog, this is the first
point that the blogger will write. It will be of a slightly lower quality than
her other points, and often will later be deleted.
5. This point is written second, but is placed strategically
near the middle of the list. It is common for the blogger to write out of
order, as it allows her some time to think of material for her earlier points. In
fact, almost everything in the article is written out of order, and the blogger
arranges her points in the way she sees fit upon completion of her writing.
6. Running out of ideas, the blogger will now turn to others
for inspiration. She will ask her dad or sister for input, and their ideas will
be listed here.
7. The blogger will begin to reference other points in her
article here, in an attempt to make her list feel smooth and connected. It is
essential for her material to be tied together in some fashion, and in order to
do this she will let you know that her mission to teach her hamster the cha-cha
was aborted – after 2 nearly-successful attempts at the dance he lost interest,
ran around in his wheel twice, and then scurried over to his nest and fell
asleep.
8. At this point the blogger starts to question what she’s
doing with her life. What’s the point of this article? Who is she really
helping? Maybe she should’ve listened to her gut feeling in high school and
become a cheerleader instead (see the second sentence in point number 2).
9. The blogger starts to doubt her entire article at this
point. She hates everything she has written, and spirals into a bout of
frustration. She will scream, throw her laptop across the room, and
subsequently awake her napping hamster (who still refuses to dance). But then after
a brief period of crying and cursing the art of writing she will re-read her
article, realize it isn’t as bad as she had initially thought, and move on to
her last point.
10. This is the final point, and the blogger is usually unsure
of what to write here. She has been working on this article for such a long
time, and will typically just scribble out the first thing that enters her mind
so she can just finish the darn thing already!
This brings us to the conclusion which is short and sweet,
and the blogger will use this space to summarize her article and repeat most of
what she previously stated in the introduction. She’ll make a humorous remark,
add a personal sentiment, and then run out of things to say. Finally she will end
her conclusion with a question relating to the content of her article,
prompting the readers to leave their own input in the comment box below.
The cha-cha has proven to be too advanced for my hamster, so
tell me - what is an appropriate dance that you have been able to successfully
teach to your hamster?
This hamster is clearly not dancing the cha-cha.
