Sometimes I really regret losing 100lbs. Don’t get me wrong –
I love being healthy, happy and slim – but I can’t help but wonder how
different things would be if I hadn’t lost the weight. Lately I’ve been doing a
lot of thinking on the importance society places on the outward appearance of
others, and it disturbs me. Those who are considered to be visually appealing receive
more respect, attention, and praise than their less-attractive peers, and
really, why is that? Should qualities such as personality, humor, and
intelligence not also play a part in determining a person’s self-worth? Of course
they should. But do they? Sadly, not so much.
Through personal experience I have seen both sides of this
superficial coin. When I was 270lbs I was excluded, ridiculed, and made to feel
like I was worth less than others. People on the street would stare at me
disapprovingly, guys wouldn’t give me a second look, and strangers would
whisper and laugh. If I woke up one morning feeling confident in myself and my
appearance, society would make sure I came home that night feeling embarrassed and
ashamed. I don’t think people realize how emotionally draining it can be when
you are constantly being put down for the way you look. It’s exhausting.
Anyways, throughout the last year and a half I decided to
track my weight-loss journey through pictures, and putting together
before-and-after collages proved to be the perfect motivator and self-confidence
booster for me. I was proud of what I was accomplishing and wanted to show it
off! However, I was so focused on improving my appearance that all of my
attention was focused on the “after” pictures – like society, I never gave my “before”
pictures a second look. As I’m typing this I realize that I’ve turned into the
people whom I’d sworn I’d never be, and that’s not ok.
So now I’m thinking about that girl in the “before”
pictures, and my heart breaks for her. I know the pain she felt and the
loneliness she endured, and I can still feel her confusion as she wondered why
she wasn’t as worthwhile as the rest of society. I look at her face and see the
brokenness in her eyes, and it just makes me so angry. I’m still the same
person as I was back then, so why am I now being treated so differently? Why was
this girl (and millions of others) treated as less than human, simply for
weighing a few extra pounds? That is something I’ll never understand.
Going back to my original thought, what would things be like
now if I had never lost the weight? I truthfully can’t answer that question. Would
I still be happy and confident in myself? Would I live each day knowing I’m a
worthwhile person who deserves to be treated with the same respect as everyone
else? Would I have a boyfriend? Honestly, I don’t think so. Underneath the
exterior I have always been the same person, yet it’s that very exterior that
has made all the difference.
Sometimes society makes me sick.
I felt this! Sometimes I think only pretty people are successful (well only with others!) I also get put down a lot when others tell me to be a bit more stylish but I am who I am. Nobody can change that. You lost weight but you did it for yourself, not for anyone else. Be proud. And any ways, you seem quite pretty to me :)
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